New Beginning

Its been a crazy past few months! Lots of ups and downs; I have made beautiful memories, but there are still those things I wish I could just forget. All of that being said, I'm moving back to Portland this weekend. This was the toughest decision I've had to make in life thus far. Its hard to just turn my back on California since I have experienced and learned so much in my three years here. Even though I have learned A LOT there is still that nagging in the back of my mind, that little reminder that I'm not at home. I have missed my family, my best friends, and my city, the entire time that I've lived in California. There's a part of me that wonders if home will still be home, but I don't think I'll ever know unless I try it out again :) This past year has been the most difficult year of my life, and I'm ready to be around people who love me, and can help me process through everything. I decided that rather than going to grad school, and pushing through like I am so used to doing, I'm going to take a break! Sort of. I'm going to be working at the Portland Rescue Mission, and I KNOW I'm going to love it! As soon as I found out that I got the job, I was ready to run home! Its been a whirlwind of a week with packing, saying goodbyes, and planning. It will definitely be hard to leave the friendships here, and honestly just good ol' CBU. I've loved my time here with classmates, coworkers, and mentors. I have made so many memories, ones that I will never forget, but now its time to make some memories in Portland. I'm excited about the journey God is taking me on, and I'm overjoyed to have been given a fresh start in a place where I know my heart will heal. I'm thankful for the friends and family who have helped me to be where I am at today, people at home, and in California. God has truly blessed me!

Lying!!! Ughhh

A lot of people have been lying to me lately. People who are close to me. I hate knowing someone is lying, but not being able to tell them that you know. I feel like if you really truly care about me, you'll want to tell me that you're lying. If I have to call you out on it, our relationship is not worth it anyways. One of my favorite sayings is "secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt someone!" It sounds juvenile, but its true. Lying and keeping secrets only hurt both parties, and lying never makes anything better, it only makes things worse. I talk about how lying is a pet peeve of mine, ALL THE TIME! I don't know if that just makes it harder for others to fess up about lying, or easier. Not that telling the truth is easy, but if you know that its important to someone, isn't it worth it to tell the truth? I dont know. I feel like sometimes I have different standards than others in my relationships. For example, I always put my family, and my friends above someone that I'm dating or interested in. Yet people close to me don't do that. You shouldn't have to tell someone that they need to be nicer or more considerate in the friendship..the other person should just want to...obviously, I'm kind of non-confrontational, but still...come one people. We're not five anymore, its not all about YOU! We're supposed to be loving on each other and putting others first, not doing whatever makes us happy but will hurt others in the end. OK, done venting :)

Last semester!!!

So, I'm sitting here thinking about the last semester of college. Am I supposed to be so busy that I just don't even think? Or am I supposed to take some time to reflect and enjoy the last moments of my undergraduate career? I can't decide. So I'm trying to do a combination of both. My lovely roommate and I made a bucket list of things to do in our last semester. In our excitement, we did like three of them right after making the list, and now we haven't done any in about two weeks. I'm trying really really hard to relax a little bit, and just have fun with my friends. Just so you know, its really hard for me to relax. I'm a list person. I make lists, and I check things off the list. Sometimes I even put something on the list after I've already done it, just so I can check it off. Yep, I'm a control freak. As much as I'm trying to live in the present and just let things happen, its not working out too well. Every time I find myself sitting down, and being happy, I have to remind myself that I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do once this is all over. That kinda freaks me out. SO to combat that, I'm praying a lot, and exercising a lot :) I think the bucket list helps me too. I could definitely use all of your prayers as I figure out where God wants me to be, and try to obey Him :)

The end is near!

I'm finally close to the end of my Fall Semester. I can't believe how much I have gone through with my family, and roommates. I can't even explain how God has changed me this past semester. This has definitely been the hardest year of my life, in many ways that I cannot even share. There have been a lot of hurts, a lot of tears, a lot of kleenex, and a lot of questions asked of God. He has been faithful to provide me with a few people who really care, and are there for me along the way. My family, my best friends, my counselor, and my coworkers are just a few of those who have helped to keep me sane these past few months. It feels like its been forever since Marisa's accident, but it also seems like it was just yesterday. Its crazy that its been almost four months! I'm so so so proud of my little sister, my parents, and my brother. Its been amazing to see how everyone has handled this situation, how we have relied on one another, and encouraged one another. Our favorite phrase to say to each other has been "I am not the enemy!" and its very true. There is a spiritual battle going on for souls, and God has already won this battle in the hearts of my family. I am very thankful for that. I'm also glad that I have been able to see my sister as she grows, gains back her strength, and influences others. Her heart is very big, and so many people have been able to witness this. While there has been a lot of sadness since August, there has been a lot to be thankful for, and I know that we can all say that this whole experience has been worth it. I'm definitely ready for Christmas break so that we can all spend time together and yet again, be thankful that we are ALL here. We are so so so blessed beyond words.

Too many things going through my mind makes for a lazy Sunday (:

Do you ever have one of those days where you're really happy, and content, but also just want to go on an adventure? Today is one of those days for me. I don't have too much studying or homework to do, although there are those little projects that I could get started on. Instead my mind is filled with what I could do after graduation. There are so many options and I just don't know what God wants me to do! And I have so many interests or places I want to see, cultures that I find intriguing,etc.

1) I would really really love to go to Europe. Somewhere like Germany, Austria, or Ireland. I don't know what I would do there. Maybe get my Masters? The rich history and beautiful land just calls to me. Also, many of the people are just honestly so lost,and I would be more than happy to sit down with a cup of coffee and talk about Jesus!

2) Ohhhh The Philippines. I've always wanted to go. I love the food, the language, the people, the islands. I've always been curious about where my dad grew up, and where my grandparents served for so many years.

3) Africa. My heart is there, and has been for a while. I want to go back so badly, but sometimes where you want to be isn't where you are SUPPOSED to be.

4) The Middle East. AHHHHH the culture which is so complicated yet I would really like to understand, the religion which is so so so interesting, yet very wrong and offbase, the people who are so welcoming, and friendly, yet also cautious and suspicious. I would love to just BE here, and it would be very easy to do so.

5)Korea. I didn't really like Korea...but for some reason I kind of sort of might want to go back. Its weird. I think the fact that I DIDN'T like it, makes me want to go back and give it another try. Maybe I could be a little more open, a little more understanding, and a little more relaxed.

Basically, I know what I want to do with my life. But there are so many ways to go about doing it. Nobody is saying "DO IT THIS WAY" or "you'll fail unless you do this first". I get to CHOOSE. And that's what scares me and also excites me. Its almost like there is no wrong choice.

There are really two different ways to think about it. The first way is that God has a specific plan, and you should figure out what that is. The second way is that God has a plan, but that He will honor what you choose to do to follow that plan. For example, God wants me to preach His name to the nations. Maybe He will use me in whichever nation I choose to go to. Its hard to decide because I feel like there are some people saying "you better make the right choice!" and there are others saying, "God will use you no matter what". I guess what it comes down to is if I feel like its right or not. God will tell ME what to do, not some random person. Now I just have to seek wisdom from the right people, pray a lot, and block out the opinions of those who don't really matter! Its going to be hard...but I have a while to figure it out, and even make some mistakes :)

The craziness that is my senior year!

AHHHHH LIFE IS SO BUSYYYYY!
1) I'm taking 19 units this semester. I love most of my classes, and most of my professors. Score! Its just really time consuming, but I'm loving what I'm learning so its worth it. AND IM GRADUATING A YEAR EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Hanging out/helping my sister. Its been an interesting challenge having Marisa here, and helping her with so much. I'm so glad that we do go to the same school so that I have the ability to help her with day to day life, as well as try to have some fun and adventures! Its been a rough road, but our whole family is learning a lot and I'm sure we will have grown from this whole situation by the time its all over.

3) Work :) I love the people that I work for, and with. I also love what I get to do every day, and everything that I am learning. Its just great. They have helped so much with Marisa and myself as we're adjusting to this new life of ours. They're also here to just listen when I need someone to talk to!

4) My lovely roommate Emily. She's awesome. She knows me, and when I'm sad or happy, and when I need to talk or just sit or have some fun and be random. She always helps out more than anyone else with Marisa which is so sweet of her and I know is a huge sacrifice. She's just so great, I don't really know what to say!

5) Free time...yeah...don't have much, but when I do its SUPER AWESOME that I have a car down here now. Her name is Lucy, and I love her to death.

These Hilarious Old People!

SO...
Marisa has been too sleepy to have me update her blog, but I just had to share some stories about these people in the rehab center!

So Marisa's roommate here is named Nanay which just means mother in Tagalog. She's Chinese Filipino..but her Tagalog is kind of broken according to most of the nurses here, and she can't speak English (A lot of them are Filipino which my dad has just loved since he can speak Tagalog to them and we get some free Filipino food!)

So anyways, everyone here calls her the Queen...for a few obvious reasons.
1) She assumes everyone here is her servant. For example: my dad made eye contact with her the other day and she called him servant boy and asked him to clean up the water on the floor. Then today I said "Kamusta po?" which is how are you to an elder, and then she said "Ayaw ko" which is like I don't want this or I don't like this and she was referring to her food, and asked me to get her something else!
2) She has to have her light on at night..gets super mad if you turn it off...and if you turn her tv volume down she freaks out!
3) she has this hilarious huge smile and kind of tilts her head back like she's a queen...its kind of cute actually.

Anyways, we're not that annoyed with her, its just really funny to us since every time we're nice or friendly, she assumes we want to do something for her..which i don't mind, but I do draw the line at changing her diaper! ;) And I'm enjoying practicing some Tagalog! Its so funny because when we ask the nurses to do something that she's asked us to do, a lot of the time they just take her out of the room since she might be trying to be difficult and not cooperate like with the TV and light.

There's this other lady who is just awesome. She has hearing problems and alzheimers. So she uses this wheelchair type thing and just roams the halls all day yelling "hi hi!" and she always wears pink and is super tiny. One day she yelled "hi hi!" to me because Marisa's door was open and I was sitting there. Well, Marisa was asleep so I put my fingers to my lips and said "shh!" and smiled at her. THEN (and this is the best part..dont think ill forget this face for the rest of my life) she got this evil scary movie look on her face and yelled "BYE BYE!" and it literally woke Marisa up and we both just started dying of laughter. it was awesome. and now we tell everyone about it when they come to visit and happen to see that lady. she's my favorite :)

Everyone is really nice here. A lot of the nurses say that Marisa is their favorite patient! For some reason, maybe its because of the angle with Marisa laying down or maybe its the boot that makes her taller, but they all think she's the oldest! And most of the Filipina women say how beautiful we are, and try to feed us everything under the sun (but it is a nursing home so the food isnt that great!) just because they think we're all too skinny. Overall, this is definitely an interesting experience and I think I'm going to miss these ladies! We might need to visit often :)