New Beginning

Its been a crazy past few months! Lots of ups and downs; I have made beautiful memories, but there are still those things I wish I could just forget. All of that being said, I'm moving back to Portland this weekend. This was the toughest decision I've had to make in life thus far. Its hard to just turn my back on California since I have experienced and learned so much in my three years here. Even though I have learned A LOT there is still that nagging in the back of my mind, that little reminder that I'm not at home. I have missed my family, my best friends, and my city, the entire time that I've lived in California. There's a part of me that wonders if home will still be home, but I don't think I'll ever know unless I try it out again :) This past year has been the most difficult year of my life, and I'm ready to be around people who love me, and can help me process through everything. I decided that rather than going to grad school, and pushing through like I am so used to doing, I'm going to take a break! Sort of. I'm going to be working at the Portland Rescue Mission, and I KNOW I'm going to love it! As soon as I found out that I got the job, I was ready to run home! Its been a whirlwind of a week with packing, saying goodbyes, and planning. It will definitely be hard to leave the friendships here, and honestly just good ol' CBU. I've loved my time here with classmates, coworkers, and mentors. I have made so many memories, ones that I will never forget, but now its time to make some memories in Portland. I'm excited about the journey God is taking me on, and I'm overjoyed to have been given a fresh start in a place where I know my heart will heal. I'm thankful for the friends and family who have helped me to be where I am at today, people at home, and in California. God has truly blessed me!

Lying!!! Ughhh

A lot of people have been lying to me lately. People who are close to me. I hate knowing someone is lying, but not being able to tell them that you know. I feel like if you really truly care about me, you'll want to tell me that you're lying. If I have to call you out on it, our relationship is not worth it anyways. One of my favorite sayings is "secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt someone!" It sounds juvenile, but its true. Lying and keeping secrets only hurt both parties, and lying never makes anything better, it only makes things worse. I talk about how lying is a pet peeve of mine, ALL THE TIME! I don't know if that just makes it harder for others to fess up about lying, or easier. Not that telling the truth is easy, but if you know that its important to someone, isn't it worth it to tell the truth? I dont know. I feel like sometimes I have different standards than others in my relationships. For example, I always put my family, and my friends above someone that I'm dating or interested in. Yet people close to me don't do that. You shouldn't have to tell someone that they need to be nicer or more considerate in the friendship..the other person should just want to...obviously, I'm kind of non-confrontational, but still...come one people. We're not five anymore, its not all about YOU! We're supposed to be loving on each other and putting others first, not doing whatever makes us happy but will hurt others in the end. OK, done venting :)

Last semester!!!

So, I'm sitting here thinking about the last semester of college. Am I supposed to be so busy that I just don't even think? Or am I supposed to take some time to reflect and enjoy the last moments of my undergraduate career? I can't decide. So I'm trying to do a combination of both. My lovely roommate and I made a bucket list of things to do in our last semester. In our excitement, we did like three of them right after making the list, and now we haven't done any in about two weeks. I'm trying really really hard to relax a little bit, and just have fun with my friends. Just so you know, its really hard for me to relax. I'm a list person. I make lists, and I check things off the list. Sometimes I even put something on the list after I've already done it, just so I can check it off. Yep, I'm a control freak. As much as I'm trying to live in the present and just let things happen, its not working out too well. Every time I find myself sitting down, and being happy, I have to remind myself that I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do once this is all over. That kinda freaks me out. SO to combat that, I'm praying a lot, and exercising a lot :) I think the bucket list helps me too. I could definitely use all of your prayers as I figure out where God wants me to be, and try to obey Him :)